It's not Me
by FoxgirlAfterDusk
Summary: They sat together, fingers brushing, just being with each other. Her being there with Him, so close He could feel Her slightest movement. That was the second He knew.
1. Chapter 1

disclaimer: I do not the songs or characters

_**Wedding Dress- Taeyang**_

* * *

Some say it's not over till it's over  
but I guess this is really over now

He kept his eyes on the entrance of the church, nerves pulsing through him with each note of the wedding march. He fought the urge to fidget, to run his fingers though his neatly combed hair, anything to get rid of the tension.

He remembered laughing with her as they sat together on Sunset hill. They were lying on the ground looking up at the eternally orange sky, listening to songs on his Ipod, just talking about everything and nothing, because with her it was like he felt everything and saw nothing but her. His fingers brushing hers on the back of the Ipod. Her softly sweet perfume lingering in the air around them. The tint of orange in her blue, blue eyes and the curve of her lips as she smiled. The warmth from the sun, and her being there with him, so close he could feel her slightest movement. The silvered notes of her laugh dancing in the quiet. _That was the second he knew he would propose._

The object was smooth and warm under his fingers, familiar from the time he spent memorising it, he recognise in within seconds. The bridesmaids and groomsmen filed in decorated with bright smiles and fancy clothing. She would be there soon. He wondered, for a brief second, if she would go through with it. But then he reminded himself that she always kept her promises.

He had gazed into her eyes for too long, seeking the comfort he thought she wouldn't provide. With the softest of smiles she had told him everything he wanted to know. She would be there cheering him on the next day, unlike all his other friends who were there for everyone, not just the underdog. She would be there for him. Only him. And she was, as he faced off in the first round of the struggle tournament, he heard her chanting his name, saw her light hair standing out in the crowd. When they watched their friends face off, she smiled at him and only him, ignoring the brawl. _That was the day he had first dared to hug her, in a way which meant more than friends._

The flower girls and pageboys trudged down the aisle to awes and coos. He felt his fingers slip slightly from nerves. He wasn't ready. Not to see her like this. No, she was too good for this. It wasn't grand enough; it wasn't elaborate enough for her. His forehead started beading with sweat but he didn't risk wiping it off. She was so close to entering. He wasn't ready.

He stood with the cool water washing up and over his bare feet. The first of many lazy days on the beach that summer. The salty breeze and rolling waves made him grip his surfboard a little tighter; he wanted to get out there. The soft touch on his bare arm jerked him back to reality. She stood there before him in a simple blue bikini, her sandals just on the edge of getting wet. He gawked at her, not ready to see her like this just yet. She was so beautiful, the most radiant smile sparking in her eyes and the gentlest of breezes playing with her fair hair. She really deserved a more elaborate bathing suit, one more suited to such a beautiful girl. But then she had always preferred to keep things simple. _That was the moment he realised she was the most beautiful person he had and would ever see._

His breath was gone. He couldn't hear the murmurs, sobs or music. He could barely feel the object under his fingers. He couldn't see the people snapping photos, trying to get a better glimpse of her. Because there was only her. The simple dress couldn't have possible looked better in the designer's imagination. The flowers clutched in her hands couldn't have been fuller, more colourful, or more brilliant. The steps she took weren't really steps; it looked more like she skated on air. The smiles she gave couldn't have glowed brighter. He felt himself fall all over again, as she locked eyes with him. She was so, so in love, so, so beautiful, so, so happy.

She danced around in a giddy circle allowing him to hold her in the space they were allocated. Her skirt swirled around her knees as she threw herself into his arms, breathless and dizzy, eyes bright with excitement. The silvery chain around her neck gleamed and he swelled with pride, knowing she used his gift. The music slowed and they met in an embrace, one he never wanted to end. He felt the pull of his heart, and for once, he listened to it. He took the plunge and did what had only happened under mistletoe and showers of fiery sparks. He kissed her under the flashing disco lights, surrounded by their peers. And she kissed back, pulling away with the happiest smile he had ever seen. The song ended and he reluctantly pulled away from the dance floor, only to run back into her arms again. _That was the night he knew it was love_.

Please don't take his hand  
I've been waiting for you for so long

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." He stared with disguised horror as they kissed. **His best friend** and the love of his life, bound together in holy matrimony. Raising his hands, they traced a familiar path across the ivory keys. Lowering his head slightly so he wouldn't have to see how happy she was, blinking away the dull ache of soon to be tears. But he could still see, from the corner of his eye, how her eyes sparkled as she looked at him. And it crushed ever fibre of his heart to see her go, the memories of when it was the three of them surfacing to just under his eyelids.

Their last dance of high school **his best friend** had already wrapped her into a dance by the time he turned around. He saw the kiss which lasted far longer than his own. They had been nominated for cutest couple.

At the beach **their best friend** had offered to teach her to surf, while he could barely form a coherent sentence. They stumbled on shore hours later, arms around each other.

That day of the competition **her other best friend** had sat beside her through most of it, casually whisking her away for a celebratory ice cream after.

When they were laughing on the hill, **her boy friend** had snuck up behind them and covered her eyes in that old, old prank. Stealing her attention.

Once the music ends  
you will vow to spend the rest of your life with him 

That last note was held for as long as possible, he was desperately staring at her, his eyes crying out words he never had the courage to say. The song faded and he was left in an empty church, flower petals scattered on the floor and blank music script before him. Getting up he felt in his pocket for the ring he had hoped to give her.

They had met on sunset hill, he had gotten down on one knee and was searching in his pockets for the little bit of gold which would promise him to her. Then **his best friend** had swept in, taking her hand and slipping a fancy white gold ring, three emerald cut diamonds glittering on the band, onto her dainty finger. He saw her surprise, confusion, joy, _love_. Hear the _yes_. And felt his heart shatter into power blowing away in the wind. Watching them leave, he felt something fall from his pant leg, his finger finding a hole in the lining of his pocket. Picking it up, the plain gold ring with its single modest diamond sat on his palm, cooled the heated skin. Clenching his hand, he drew his arm back.

He raised the ring, reading the elegant inscription. _"For my heart, Love always Roxas"_. Sighing he slipped it into his pocket, restraining the familiar urge to throw it. Gathering up his sheet music, he turned to see her in the entrance, light casting a gentle halo around her.

"Do you really have to go?" hearing her concern mended a portion of his heart only to crush it with reality.

"Yeah I-I'll be in touch." He lightly brushed her cheek with his fingertips, hesitated then stole the slightest of kisses, walking out into the bright flash of sunlight. Part of him hoped he would never get over her, never interact with her again. But most of him knew she was the only one. And he had to be happy for her. Even of it killed him. It was all he could do. All he wanted to do.

_**Because he loves her.**_

_**

* * *

**_

I am aware of a couple other stories like this, and I hope this is different.  
There is another chapter to this with a happier ending (hopefully, it's not finished) and I might post it around Christmas. Or it could be extended into a three shot. depends of whether or not this one works out.

The person mentioned in **bold** is the same person.

...this is probably one of my better pieces and it still isn't that great, too bad it started so well. Oh well it was because I wanted to post something today especially. And because i fell in love with the song, maybe the next little project of mine will be a 2NE1 song fic. Go Away would be fun.

I have a ask page on my Tumblr (google my user name pichucherrimteam and it should come up) if you want to talk :)


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer- I don't own anything but the plot. Actually, now that you mention it, that might not be mine?

_**Tell me goodbye - Big Bang**_

* * *

Still thinking about this thing alot  
you got me shaken up

364 days later, he was lying in his room, waiting for tears that wouldn't come anymore. The ring sat neat and polished on the bedside table, a cold reminder of what could have been. Nothing about his feelings for her had changed. Every time the radio played a song they both liked, he called for her to listen. When he stepped into their old haunt, a greeting had already jumped from his lips. She was never there, didn't know, couldn't reply.

Half hearted attempts to forget her dotted the first month. He had tried going out, the alcohol tasted like that reception, where he first tried to drink away reality. He couldn't stop comparing other women to her. His friends were her friends too. So the drinks went untouched, the women ignored and his friends left in favour of sleep, where he could pretend everything had gone perfectly. Only to wake to a bitter morning snared in sheets.

The dreams hurt. They whispered sweet, empty words into his consciousness, of what could have happened if only he confessed. If she didn't only she didn't take **Their Best Friend's** hand. If only he had her first. He was tempted to just end it all, end all the if only's. But he knew she wouldn't be happy. He would be breaking is silent promise to keep her happy and removing himself would make her sad. Or maybe it would hurt him too much, and he was just using that promise as a selfish excuse to stay close.

The phone rang, cutting through his musings with its piercing sharp sound. He picked up, relieved at this distraction from his endless thoughts. It was her, inviting him over for lunch. The sound of her voice lifted the shards of his spirits and he had to bite his lip to keep his thoughts from flying out. Long after the conversation ended, he stood there replaying every second. The familiar lilt of her voice stirred up worn memories of their time together. But those days were over.

Girl I swear I won't even for a second  
cause you any pain  
in order to protect you

Meeting them was like drinking sweet poison. A poison which seemed to get sweeter and deadlier each time. But he had to keep visiting them. E craved the sweetness of time with her, the suffocating, sharp pain in his chest was almost welcomed if it came with a fresh moment with her. A new memory for when he had nothing else.

Being in their home, he tried to keep the biting misery he felt hidden inside. Their home was warm and cheery with sunlight pouring onto the plush furniture. He always felt that their home was just like their marriage. Idyllic. Perfect. And he just didn't belong. But they were eternally kind and welcoming, of course. Like things could almost be the same as before, but they couldn't.

**Her Husband** left soon after lunch with a quick peck on her cheek and a cheery wave. He watched the distant look in her blue, blue eyes. He noticed the slight crease between her brows, the tiniest twitch of her mouth. The words came out, a question his heart couldn't handle.

"Is everything okay between you...?"

She quickly smiled at him and assured that everything was fine. He knew her too well to believe it.

They sat together on the couch, a movie playing and a bowl of popcorn between them. Once upon a time, they would have sat so close; they only needed a one seater. Every beat of her heart echoed by his own. The phone rang. **Her Husband's **voice blared out of the machine, something about being home tomorrow. He heard the hushed giggling of a woman in the background. Her eyes glazed and focused on the bright screen. The pain in his heart aches a little more at her blank expression and he absently played with the gold ring her kept as a reminder. Her sadness was infectious, tinged with bitter hope.

"I'm sure it's nothing." She murmured, doubt colouring her soft voice.

It had to be nothing. **That Guy** had the most amazing girl by his side. The thought fluttered out as buttered popcorn was thrown in. Her head whipped towards him, eyes scanning his. He froze, the ring sliding between his suddenly numb fingers onto the floor. The faint clink distracted her into picking up the glittering object with her delicate hands.

She complimented it, admiring the sparkle as she slipped it on. He quietly congratulated himself on the size and style, imagining for just a moment that she proudly wore the ring every day.

"Who is it for?" the silvered notes of her voice slid through his thoughts, calling him back to reality.

You. Whispered through his gaze and screamed in his mind.

But he couldn't burden her with his problems. She was happy in this new life. She was happy with **His Best Friend**. He shook his head, shaking out the images, the thoughts which would ruin their friendship.

The ring was placed back in his hand, still warm from hers.

"For My Heart." Who would never accept it.

Those words, and even the light  
I will lose sight of everything else

They went out for dinner, just the two of them. She wore her old 'Roxy, Destiny Islands' t-shirt like old times. He pretended to be annoyed while he was privately glad she kept it, despite the bright colours long faded into muted pastels. It felt like before, when it was just the two of them. And he could taste the words which were never to be spoken, like old times. Those feather light words which lay crushed under his feelings.

The small Chinese restaurant was crowded, noisy with chattering adults and clacking dishes. He couldn't help but feel the tiniest bit proud when they got a table for two, felt the approving glances. They could have been a couple, smiling like that. He even risked feeding her a bite of fish, a chunk of pineapple was received in return.

Their time together ended far too quickly for him. A passing blur of colour and noise where the only constant thing was her. Her faint perfume, her gentle voice, her image, her delicate touch. Then he stood outside her door, feeling like a boy on his first date. But she wasn't his, she would never be his.

He accepted the invitation inside and borrowed some of **Her Husband's **clothes for the night. He heard her replay the only message on the answering machine, the one from earlier, and he felt the weather was letting it all out for her.

When the second rumble of thunder passed, she was curled up against him, shielded in his arms. He silently allowed her to seek comfort from him, enjoying the time even if he was just a substitute. The third lead to them going to bed, cuddling up like the couple they weren't. She relaxed quickly in his arms, letting him drift off into one of him imaginings.

_**"I love you." His dream self whispered in her ear. "More than anything. You are my Heart."**_

* * *

It's strange, but the lyrics of the song have about nothing to do with the plot. Oh well, I'd like to pretend that I got the feel of it.

So much for a happy ending huh? Trust me when I say that I spent months agonising over this. There is another paragraph here but it didn't quite fit. That happy ending wouldn't come! good thing it leaves room for another chapter! Eh, but eventually this will be a proper chapter fic. And it's really hard to keep writing in this style, it's just so angsty? Maybe it's just me having problems writing happy things.

I swear, it seems so much longer written out by hand. And yeah, I'm that type of writer. It's unnerving to look at the little word/page counter!

**THANK YOU SO MUCH TO Handwritten (**so much for stalking -_-**) and Anon (**is it strange of me to say that you made my birthday?**) FOR REVIEWING! ****AND LaLuuna, Merialle and Handwritten FOR FAVOURITING!**

**Scribbles I **No, Roxas didn't end up with Namine, he played the piano at her wedding. The plot is basically the same as the music video for Taeyang's Wedding Dress.

Many Thanks to You too for reading this! I really hope you like it, here's hoping for a happy ending! Or anything really, it's been so long~


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